Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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