You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His nipple licking is glorious
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