Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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