I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
