I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
