He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
