brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
