is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
