dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
