I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
