I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
