my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
