I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
