he told me I talked like a deaf person
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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