Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
