Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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