She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
