Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
