I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
