lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
