girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
