why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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