just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
