You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
