You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
