i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
