My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
