I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
