Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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