well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
