that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
