it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
