tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
