Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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