I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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