so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
