my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
