its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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