Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
