Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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