I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
