Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
