I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
