im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
