When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
