goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
worst night to have a conscience
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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