He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
