Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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