I can tuck mytits in my pants
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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