I just threw up on my dentist
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
